NASCAR drivers are mostly known by what their cars look like. What color is the car? What font did they use for the number? Do they have a a big name sponsor that is on the car every week? Is it constantly missing fenders (Bubba Wallace)? Is it constantly in the front? Constantly in the back?
Well what about some of the drivers' faces? You would think that as much as these guys are on camera, they would be some of the best looking humans on Earth, right? Wrong.
To be fair, there are some good looking drivers (see my "Top Five Smoke Shows in the NASCAR Garage" blog HERE), but holy shit are there some ugly ones. That's why I put together a list of the top five most punchable faces in the NASCAR garage, 2021 edition.
The criteria for this list is simple. If you lined all 40-something drivers up and said, "Trevor, you have to punch five of them, once, as hard as you can." These are the guys that I would choose:
Honorable Mention- Joey Gase
Poor Joey. I had to put him at honorable mention because the dude's face is just oh-so-punchable, but I couldn't put him in the top 5 because I would probably never do it. He just looks too..... weak. I think back to when Gase and Spencer Gallagher got into a little "fender bender" a couple of years ago. They confronted each other afterward, and Joey Gase looked scared for his life. This dude is definitely afraid of spiders and it shows.
However, I had to at least mention Gase, he just has that look of an ugly little rich kid who's Daddy paid for him to race, so that he could wear a helmet on that stupid looking face of his. My 5 year old has twice the driving talent that this guy has as well. That was mean, lets move on.
#5 Joey Logano
I have to admit, Joey is not the ugliest dude in the Cup garage, but man I would love to slap him around. He's so damn smug, and you can tell that ever since Joe Gibbs said that he was the "best thing since sliced bread", he has a disgustingly arrogant aura about him.
Joey is a NASCAR champion, so I will not diss his driving talent, he obviously has quite a bit, but his boyish "goofyness", paired with his ever-growing head, is unbearable. I think its a New England thing. A little too socially awkward to be relatable, and a little too young and talented to be humble. The whole thing for me is just punchable to say the least.
#4 Denny Hamlin
Speaking of arrogant pricks, Denny Hamlin enters the list at number four. There's just something about this dude that I can't seem to like. How about that stupid mask he wore last year, that was supposed to resemble the bottom half of his face, although it was kind of scary if you really looked at it? Yeah, it was kind of funny at first, but holy shit was it terrifying.
One of my favorite excerpts with Denny came from when he appeared on the Dale Jr. Download. Dale Jr. asked Denny why everyone hated him. Here was Denny's response:
“I always look at videos they have of me or pictures that are taken, and I look like I’m pissed off all the time,” the veteran driver said on the Dale Jr. Download. “And I’m like, ‘Yeah, I probably wouldn’t approach him either.'”
To which Mike Davis (Co-Host) replied:
“That’s just your face. You’re born with that face, man. It's the resting Denny face.”
There you have it. Do I need to say more?
#3 Brad Keselowski
Okay, this guy is different. I actually don't dislike Keselowski, but for some reason, I want to punch him. Brad is everything that most NASCAR fans say they want in a driver. He's honest, and he stands up for himself, along with his fellow drivers when it comes to some of NASCAR's stupid rules. He earned his right to be on that track as well, he didn't buy his way to the top.
I think Brad got "off on the wrong foot" when he was trying to make a name for himself, early on in his career. He had some run ins with fan favorites Carl Edwards, and Jeff Gordon that were quite controversial. However, I think he has begun to grow on fans, especially me.
With that being said, his face is JUST bad enough to land him right in the middle of this list. Sorry Brad K, I know it's not your fault.
#2 Timmy Hill
Do you ever just hear someone's name, or think about them out of the blue, and want to punch them right in the face? Yeah? Well that's Timmy Hill for me. This dude has zero driving talent, and just looking at the picture that I posted above makes me want to lash out irrationally.
When it comes to Timmy, I want to slap him around. Is it jealousy? Maybe a little bit. I can't help but think that I could do what this man does with my eyes closed, and I would like to think that I am way better looking.
Hill has raced in the NASCAR Cup series for TEN fucking years. 10. In that time, he has gotten to live out my dreams 129 times. He has an average starting position of 38th and an average finishing position of 34th. What in the hell makes this guy marketable? Give me a break.
#1 Kyle Busch
Here we go... Who doesn't want to punch this dude?
Kyle Busch is arguably one of those most talented drivers in NASCAR, and he just might be one of the best drivers of all time when his career comes to an end. If that's the case, why is he never happy? Nobody on this planet whines, cries, and bitches more than this dude. He wins, he's bitching. He finishes last, he's bitching. He finishes third, he's bitching. Get a hold of yourself man!
Busch is easily the most hated driver in this sport, and is definitely the most hated driver since Dale Earnhardt, when the #3 was dominating in the 90's. However, at least Earnhardt had a bunch of people that liked him as well. If you took a poll, I bet you that 80% of NASCAR fans would put KB on the top of this list. I wouldn't pay money to punch Kyle, but I would give every last penny to drive him into the wall, Rowdy Burns style, until he cried tears of mercy. Believe me, I'm not the only one.